My mom once said, "Be careful with Japanese man, they will break your heart" when I told her I made friends with this half Japanese guy. I just thought she was crazy and racist. But man, don't you just hate it when they are right some times. 

I had the whole day to think to myself. Evaluate how I'm going to handle my self tomorrow onwards. I kept trying to numb myself but this was the hardest one to numb by far. If I don't try and numb it I don't think I'd stop crying. There is this fucking empty feeling in my chest that I can't ignore, like somebody shot a shotgun right through my chest.  Hardest part is people asking me if I'm okay and or how's my boyfriend. Because then I have to relive the moment of the words coming out of my mouth "we broke up." I try to end it at there. But humans are curious mother fuckers. So I just say "Right person, wrong timing." and "if it's meant to be it's meant to be" these are the mantra that's getting me through the day.

I kept imagining he will appear out of no where, like in the fucking movies, holding a radio outside my window and playing "No type" just to annoy me, and then switching it to "Home". Ah. Sometimes I hate my imagination. If only life was alike a movie and I can skip to "2 years later".

"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs,
The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies.
While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,
Crying to the moo-oo-oon,
"If only, If only."

Ran and cried to my sister. The last person on earth I thought would make me feel better, actually made me feel better. Sure at first she was like all hating on him. Well, until I told the truth. 👨👵 She became more understanding. She said it as well, if its meant to be it's meant to be, But that for the future to decide. She reminded me of things that got clouded from my unsatisfactory of not getting the closure I wanted. I wanted to talk it out one last time but didn't get the chance. And that hurt like a bitch. It hurts less now. That's a start. I was devastated about a lot of things. I still am. But I forgot about the good things, and the positive outcome to it all. Either way. I'm some what confident that I'm not gonna lose this person from my life. Heck. I'm determined not to lose him. As long as he comes back, though I hope for more but even as a friend, it will be worth it. Right person, wrong time. Right person, wrong time.