I wish there was a way, I can tell him how much I love him. I hope he knows. Maybe I'm just insecure. Maybe I'm at the bargaining stage. Where I just want one last phone call.

I can't stop my self looking at my phone,  and hoping to see a message from him. The night it ended, I was half asleep. It was about 1am. My phone rang, I got up so fast and answered it so fast I didn't bother to look at the number, hoping it was him. It wasn't.

I wish there was a way I know he is okay. Is he taking care of himself? Sleeping well? Studying too hard? 

A text from him today killed me inside. Felt like, he wants to stop thinking about me while I'm here thinking so hard about him. Maybe I'm just paranoid cause I'm feeling like its soon gonna be a one way feeling. I wish it was easy for me to move on.  But half the things I use in my daily life is from him. I'm gonna try and move on. Just enough so it stops hurting everyday. I'm not gonna look for anybody. Even if they come looking for me. Cause they can try for years but I don't think they can make me as happy as he did for just 3 months.

I want to stop crying everyday. When I'm alone I shut down and go dizzy like I'm spinning cause I think too much of it. I need to keep getting distracted. I thought maybe writing it down could help. As pathetic as I sound I don't care.

I think what would hurt the most is that one day he is gonna wake up and realise he don't love or need me anymore. Maybe he doesn't. He can probably be more happy without me. Maybe I'm just paranoid again. I feel like the things he say about me making him the happiest and stuff are things he is trying to take back.

Even if he lost all feelings for me, I really wish when he is done with what he needs to do he'll come find me again. Even if I can't be his anymore, I want to be something in his life. He told me the same thing, but now days I feel like he wants to take it back. Or again, i'm paranoid.