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Imperfections

Bruised but Happy

Someone once told me I can make my own happiness
He also told me happiness comes with a price
When you find some one who brings you to both reality and fantasy
It get hard when you have to navigate yourself

My Imperfect Tale

Thursday, March 16, 2017, 9:08 PM

There is a million things i want to say. But are they necessary? Maybe not. It wont change anything. So, whats the point right? Maybe the point it you want to know what I'm thinking, but you most probably know what I'm thinking. Not entirely, but at least the basics. I still can't put it in words. All I can say now is we had a good run, and all i can do now is yearn for more. But i guess that's asking too much. I feel guilty for even trying to smile I don't know why. Half of the things I wanna say will make me sound selfish. But in my case being selfish is not for the better.

I kept dreaming about him that night. My sleep was on and off but every one included him. I dreamt we were back together or how nothing happened and we were going on with our lives doing our silly adventures. I was in bliss. Until I woke up. At this unhealthy point, I want to stay in bed all day and just dream of him because I'm happy in my dreams. But I know I can't sleep for 2 years or so until he comes back. If he comes back. Even I know that's ridiculous. I have to live with this drastic change he put in my life and roll with it. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. I had a feeling he was too good for me to deserve anyway. I don't get to have the men of my dreams. Maybe not yet. Hopefully not yet.

I still have pictures of him. I deleted it from my phone but I backed it up somewhere because I think I would actually break deleting memories. I want to ask him if I can keep them but, well, I can't talk to him. I took a day of work. My god I'm pathetic. Fuck me I feel so unsatisfied. I still feel like I didn't get any closure. I still have so much questions but, I could tell he didn't want to speak any more. So I didn't ask. I can live unsatisfied right? Right?

You know what's ironic though? I realised I feel in love with him the moment he said "you're not distracting me from my work, my work is distracting me from you" and well the universe plays a mean game because the words he used that entice me were the same reason why we broke up. The world is a cruel place.

I still have a million things to say, but I'll save it. I'll say it if I ever meet him again. All I can do now. Is numb myself. Cause that's the only way I can go through this. Let's just hope it doesn't get numb permanently. I don't want to go back to feeling like a whore.

Wow. Who knew it hurts this bad. Like a fucking million stabs and cuts is happening now every time I realise I can't have the man of my dreams.

We sat in my car, seats back, one night in Cheras when we were suppose to trash your teachers house. Instead we talked about our dream person. I was yours, you were mine. I'm pretty sure I didn't know how to explain mine well, and I remember thinking to myself "I hope he understands. I hope he gets it that it's him."

Don't worry about me

Kah May
Lee Chen
Vivien
Hui Ting
Michelle
Flora
Azman

Are you sure you want to turn back the time and read about my past?

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