I severely think something is wrong with me. I feel like a black hole of darkness is just sucking me in and I honestly don't know what to do. Every little mundane problem is making spiral like I can't concentrate on anything but the bad. I want to talk to someone about it but it's a problem with myself that I don't want to drag anybody down with me, which pulls me in a more darker place.

There is this place I go to, if I want to be alone. A park not far from my house. With like a mini gazebo. It was the place I experience the worse heart break of my life, so if I'm sad and alone, this place fits. And that's why I come here. It's a place that is complementary of how I feel. My birthday blog, I wrote it here too.

I swear I was doing okay. Everything was fine. It's been 8 months since the heart break. And I wasn't as sad about it anymore. For like a good month. I don't know, I guess when I'm extra sad about things and the only things that makes me happy is thinking about times 10 months ago. But guess whattttt now it's a sad thing to think about so it becomes an add on of dark thoughts just adding on even to my already dark thoughts when I don't want it toooooo.

I'm so fucking pathetic.

My favourite time of the year is coming up. Halloween. I was excited about it since last Halloween but now. 5 days to Halloween and I just, don't want to celebrate it. Like don't even want to get out of bed anymore.